Money? I don´t need no stinkin´money!

Saturday morning arrives and with great anticipation, I leap out of bed (oh, but not before I do a quick reality check that I am indeed in Central America with no money, staying a place with people who are inclined to trust me and that I just woke to a view of some massive volcanos outside my window)

In perfect sync with the overwhelming generosity of my hosts, they offer me a private boat ride back to Pana so I can get my cashola from western union. Hum, perhaps I need to clarify something else about transportation here at Lake Atitlan - the only quick (and safest) way to travel between villages is via la lancha. The boat. The boats come every 30 to 45 minutes and at most times are brimming with Guatemalans, tourists and giant bags of what I can only imagine are either dead chickens or lima beans. They (the bags, not the Guatemalans) stink like death and if you happen to climb aboard a crowded boat, guess where you´re sitting. Yep, next to the bags of death. So, when Terri offered me a private charter, it took me less than .0003 seconds to accept his kind offer.

So, off to Panajenchel we go...

Scene One
Place: The Bank
Time: 10AM
Players: A young man from the Western Union Booth, me and Terri. (who, by the way, pronounces his name Tear -Ree with a heavy french accent)

Me: HOLA!! I need to pick up a wire transfer, please. (all said in spanish for effect, of course)

Western Union Hombre: Ooohh. (said with a hint of empathy, but also a slight degree of annoyance for probably the 67th gringo walking into his office demanding thier american dollars) We don´t have any money. (again, all spoken in spanish)

*It was at this point that I assumed I MUST have misunderstood his palabras (words) and asked him to repeat, por favor.

Western Union Hombre: I´m sorry, but we have no money. Come back Monday. Perhaps we´ll have money for you then. Goodbye.

*It was at this point that I assumed I MUST have misunderstood his palabras (words) and asked him to repeat, por favor.

Western Union Hombre: I´m sorry, but we have no money. Come back Monday. Perhaps we´ll have money for you then. Goodbye.

and this quaint little exchange went on and on for what seemed like an eternity, until Terri looked at me with that look that only translates to one phrase... You´re Fucked.

My little heartbroken, anti-alaska, Guatemalan trip is, at this point, turning into a lesson of culture AND political economics, where I have learned the following tale of woe:

The Quitzal, Guatemalan currency, is old. The actual currency itself is becomming faded, torn and basically falling apart. So, the Guat government has decided to begin replacing the old with new. Only one problem...they are doing it in one fell swoop.

Meaning, they are taking the bills from the banks and not replacing them right away. It turns out they have not even finished printing new currency, but still keep taking the old. And when did they begin this brilliant "transfer"? Oh, the week before Christmas. So the people of the country became very paranoid and began taking all thier money out of the banks at such a rapid rate that many banks literally, if you can belive this, have NO FUCKING MONEY. That´s right folks, no money. Well, to be honest, that´s a bit of an exaggreation - as the banks have money, but only a small amount. Which means they all have a limit on the amount of currency you can withdraw. And as you can imagine, when a white girl walks into one of these banks and requests thousands of Quitzales, HA!

I will say, however, this whole money shortage thing leads to many an interesting conversation. People everywhere, both natives and tourists, have tales of disbelief when it comes to trying to get money. ATM´s are empty (totally true, I couldn´t access 3 last week) and many vacationers have had to leave the country much sooner than expected.

So, there you have it. And so it remains. I am still in Central America with no money. I do have about 100 bucks at this point from the last hotel loaning it to me, and I refuse, totally refuse to give into this. I am considering this an excersise in patience, character-growth and frugality and creativity. But no matter what, I am NOT leaving until my plane ticket says I´m supposed to.